Ask a Bogan: I'm pregnant

Dear Bogans,

After taking your advice in November, I got my drink on at our office Xmas party. Everything was going great until those last 5 shots and I ended up having sex in the toilets. Twice. With two different guys. The problem is, I'm now pregnant as a result and I'm not entirely sure which one is the father.

Fuck! What do I do?!

Karen (not my real name)


Dear Karen,

Woopsy! Sounds like someone over-dicked it a bit at the party! We're assuming Romeo and Romeo don't know about each other or the little bun in your oven so we reckon you've got 2 options:

1. Pick the bloke with the most going for him and tell him he's the one, or

2. Tell each of them individually on the sly that they've impregnated you and that they'll be the father.

We reckon option 2 is the way to go. Just think - when you squeeze the little love nugget out, you'll have  2 blokes that you can juggle for babysitting duties. Sure they might call it parenting and they might get attached but whatever, you can potentially get on with your life without actually having to raise the little poop factory miracle.

In fact, we would suggest considering sleeping with a third suitor ASAP to make it a 3 way split - three guys in shifts, each with a guilty conscience would just about do it in the baby raising stakes. 

It worked in that movie '3 men and a baby' - that baby grew up to become a school bus driver once she got off the crack. And if the movies have taught us anything, it's that men changing nappies is hilarious.

How exciting!


The Bogans