Ask a bogan: hotdog walker

Dear Bogans,

My wife and I have been happily married for 18 months. Last year we bought a dog and recently due to our work loads, we’ve had to employ a dog walker. Problem is, our dog walker is really hot and I’ve got a bit of a crush. Each time she comes to pick up Flossy (our Labradoodle) we spend longer and longer talking and flirting. 

What should I do?
George, South Kensington

Dear George (from South Kensington with a Labradoodle named Flossy),

If you truly love your wife George you should probably put Flossy down. BUT we think that’s a little too extreme and I’m not sure how you’d go convincing a vet to do so. 

The thing is mate, us men are programmed wrong when it comes to braking off a flirty situation. Our penises are finely tuned to over-ride all sense of reasoning when there is even the slightest possibility of sexual reward so you need to trick your penis.

The most effective move in this scenario is to get her to be turned off by you, preferably disgusted by you so you can suspend 'penis-brain automatic over-ride mode' long enough to take control.

You could try getting obese or quit brushing your teeth? There may be side effects of type 2 diabetes or tooth cancer so think this through before committing to either of them. 

Or you could just fire hotdog walker and walk the dog yourself?

You see George, as a wise man once said, getting a dog is a bit like marriage – sure, both involve dealing with shit at times but you know what you were getting yourself into from the start and just like marriage George, sometimes you need to make a little more time to maintain what you started. 

Good luck Georgey boy,

Bogan Trev