Dear Bogans,
I'm a regular guy who does data analysis for a software company and I've managed to land a date with this girl who is way out of my league. Problem is I may have given her the wrong idea about my financial status when we met at a bar in Chelsea and we're meant to be going out next Tuesday. Help!
Paulo, Earlsfield
Dear Paulo,
We've all punched above our weight in the past mate but as the great man Billy Ocean once said "get out of my dreams and into my car". What Billy was trying to say through the majestic medium of 80's R&B was borrow your Mums car and make that dream girl yours. Or something like that. We dunno, we only really know the chorus.
Anyway, what you need to do Paulo is play this one like the unpredictable, impulsive, data analysing tiger that you are. Hot Chelsea girl is used to blokes haemorrhaging cash around her so try something different. Take her out of her comfort zone...
Why not take her shoplifting? It's exciting, kind of retro and you can make it into a team sport. Who knows, you may just cement a relationship around it as you thieve your way into each others hearts and wouldn't that be a far more interesting story to tell the kiddies?
You're welcome Paulo, you're welcome.
Bogan Trev